In my mind
I am standing on the shore
At Watergate Bay
The Beach feels so large
And I so small.
Ahead I can see for miles
There is nothing
Except the sun setting into the sea
It’s light drenching me
In pinks and golds
It sets too slowly to see
But soon I know it will be gone
Taking me with it
Extinguishing the warmth and light I am bathing in
I anticipate the loss
But in that moment feel so alive and content
The children are throwing their frisbee
The sunlight glistens in their hair
I am so aware of them
But they are not aware of me
This is how I will remember them
Not shouting at them to put their shoes on
Nor frustrated at the vegetables left on the plate
But playing happily.
My husband is watching me watching them and he is sad
He knows what I am thinking
The light is about to go out
And I will not be there at the sunrise
Just the three of them
And I wonder if I will have given them enough warmth
Enough light to last them through?
That is the musing of a dying mother.
If you can be 